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I’m not always like this butttt…

Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t have your moments, too. I’m an emotional person, ok? I’ll cry over nonsense and get made fun of because of it.

FOR EXAMPLE:

I had to go into this fancy building the other day. I’m wearing a dress, heels, and all I’m carrying are my keys and my phone. I look like the least intimidating person ever. I have to go through security before entering the main building. I put my keys and my phone on the tray and gave the officer a really high pitched “hiiii.”

He wasn’t amused.

“There’s pepper spray on your key chain. You can either take it back to your car right now or I’m going to confiscate it. You will not get it back.”

I teared up. He used the word “confiscate”! It sounded so police-like! For a minute I thought he was going to arrest me. It was terrifying!

In a soft voice, I said:

“My feet hurt, and it’s a long walk to my car. You can have it.”

Without saying a word, he took my pepper spray off of my keychain and handed my keys back to me.

*sniffle sniffle*

I took them from him and whispered, “have a nice day.”

I made my way to the lobby of the building and another officer stopped me. I guess you can say that I wear my emotions on my sleeve, because he saw that I was about to break down into a big puddle of emotions.

“Ma’am, is everything ok? Was that your pepper spray?”

“Oh, yes sir, but it’s ok. I’ve never used it anyway. I’ve just always kept it with me in case I ever needed to protect myself.”

“Oh, well you made a smart move. Those things go bad after about 9 months.”

“Oh, ok. Thank you. Have a nice day!”

That made it a little bit better. But it still didn’t stop the wild emotions that I was feeling.

I fast walked to the nearest bench as a tear rolled down my cheek. I hung my head and let out the quiet sob that I had been holding in for way too long. Let me tell you, it’s been a whirlwind of events these past few weeks. It wasn’t just my pepper spray being confiscated that made me break down. I’ve realized some things over the past few weeks. I’ve made some pretty big sacrifices for some things that turned out to be nonexistent. I didn’t go to my dream college so that I could stay here and chase after something that I ended up regretting. Fast forward a year, and all I regret now is not going with my gut. Who knows where I would be?

Deep stuff, but I learned my lesson.

Moral of the story:

• Crying is healthy. Don’t hold back something that you’ve been putting in any amount of effort keeping in.

• Don’t make sacrifices for anything or anyone that you’re not sure is here to stay.

• Take time for your mental health, whether it be going out with friends, spending time with your family, or (my personal fave) getting a mani pedi!

Maybe if I would have taken this advice earlier, I wouldn’t be crying in public. Luckily, nobody saw me…I don’t think.


Instagram: @jenny.biggs